Don't Bet the Farm
by Snitwick
Summary: After Naruto and Sasuke find out that Kakashi and Iruka are going out, they make a bet about their relationship. In order to find out the answer and determine the winner, Naruto confronts Iruka directly. KakaIruKaka. Complete.


Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine.

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When Naruto found out that Kakashi and Iruka were sleeping together, the first question out of his mouth was, "Who tops?"

It took Iruka several seconds for the question (and it's implications) to sink in. "_What_?"

"Well," said Naruto scratching his neck and looking up at Iruka with a grin. "I sort of have a bet with Sasuke."

This time Iruka was much more perceptive. "You mean you knew all along?"

"Sure," said Naruto, shrugging. "Sasuke was surprised when he first learned, but I convinced him it wasn't anything weird -- " Iruka found himself wishing fervently that he never found out how Naruto had convinced him of that -- "but now he doesn't care. I think."

"You think?" repeated Iruka.

Naruto's grin widened. "He _did_ seem to get rather defensive when I implied that Kakashi bottomed ..."

Iruka resisted the urge to run away. He was a teacher, after all. He had dealt with unruly students in plenty of far more embarrassing circumstances, such as the time when ... okay, he couldn't _think_ of any of them off the top of his head and Naruto wasn't exactly a student anymore, but that wasn't any reason for Iruka to admit defeat. Instead, he was determined to beat Naruto at his own game; he switched tactics.

"Tell me about the bet."

Naruto wasted no time in explaining. "When we found out, Sasuke wanted to confront Kakashi directly, but I convinced him otherwise -- " again, Iruka found himself hoping that he never found out the secret behind Naruto's diplomatic skills -- "and he was content to forget about it until I implied that Kakashi bottomed. After that, Sasuke wouldn't let me sleep -- " Iruka wondered if Naruto was doing it on purpose, or if Kakashi's pervertedness was simply wearing off on him -- "until I apologized. Well, I wouldn't apologize, so we made a bet."

"About who tops," Iruka filled in for him.

Naruto nodded. "Sasuke's money is on Kakashi and mine is on you."

Iruka didn't know whether he was supposed to thank Naruto for his confidence in him or not, so he diverted the subject. "You're betting _money_?"

"Er," said Naruto. "Actually, we're not."

"Do I want to know what you _are_ betting?" Iruka wondered out loud.

"If I win, Sasuke has to admit that he has a crush on Kakashi."

"And if Sasuke wins?" asked Iruka, dreading the answer.

"I have to apologize for questioning Kakashi's masculinity."

Sometimes, Iruka swore that he would never understand teenagers' logic; he hadn't understood it when he had been a teenager, and he definitely didn't understand it now that Naruto and Sasuke were teenagers.

"Well?" asked Naruto, staring at Iruka earnestly.

"Oh," said Iruka, be drawn out of his thoughts when the original purpose of this conversation came washing back over him. "Why don't you ask Kakashi?"

Naruto eyes shifted guiltily. Suddenly everything made sense to Iruka.

"You already asked him, didn't you," said Iruka. "And he told you to ask me."

Naruto nodded.

"Well," said Iruka. "I suppose I can't put it off any longer ..."

Naruto leaned forward, anticipating Iruka's answer

"You both lost," he said with a mysterious smile.

"Huh?" asked Naruto, frowning in confusion.

"Normally I wouldn't have brought this up," explained Iruka. "But since you asked, I suppose you're old enough to hear it. Your bet was based on the assumption that Kakashi and I have anal sex. We don't."

"But aren't you two ... together?" asked Naruto. From the look on his face, it was clear that he was still very confused.

"Yes," said Iruka. "But just because two people are together -- two men are together," he clarified, "doesn't mean that they have to have anal sex to express their feelings. Kakashi and I like each other and we express our feelings in a variety of ways. Anal sex just isn't something that we enjoy, so we don't do it."

Despite the fact that Iruka felt awkward about discussing Kakashi and his sex life with someone who used to be his (and still was Kakashi's) student, he couldn't help but wish that he had a camera to photograph the stunned look on Naruto's face.

"So," asked Iruka, resisting the urge to laugh at the expression on his old student's face. "What had you decided on in the event of a tie?"

"I agreed to clean the academy -- without Kage Bushin."

Iruka smiled. "And Sasuke?"

"Agreed to go out on a date with Sakura."

"You know," said Iruka. "While there is definitely nobility in carrying out the promises that you made and Sasuke _should_ get over Kakashi and date someone else, I'm not sure that it would be a good idea to give Sakura false hope..."

"Don't worry, Iruka," said Naruto. "Sasuke likes girls too."

Iruka raised his eyebrows.

Damn, he thought. If Naruto was really telling the truth about Sasuke's sexuality, not only was Iruka out another five thousand yen, but he also had to deal with Kakashi's smug satisfaction about winning yet another bet.

_Fin_.


End file.
